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This Week In Why We Need to $%!^@*# Vote – October 22nd Edition

Hello again, Voters! It’s your weekly round-up of stupid crap politicians have said and done trying to get elected, reminding you of the urgent need to vote for whomever is running against them. We’re getting into the home stretch here and you know what that means: stupid crap comes spilling out of political mouths at double speed. Rest assured, Voters, we’re armed with a bucket, hip waders, and a shovel, ready to sort it all out.

“That dumbass thing you said? It just ain’t so, Joe.” -Everyone Else

“With modern technology and science, you can’t find one instance….There is no such exception as life of the mother, and as far as health of the mother, same thing.” -Republican Congressman Joe Walsh, of Illinois

Another week, another Tea Party favorite showing their complete and total disregard for scientific facts. Walsh, who’s trailing Democrat (and future Chair of the House Committee on Being Awesome) Tammy Duckworth badly in the race for the Illinois 8th, decided to put his foot down on this whole “abortion to save the life of the mother” mumbo jumbo. Perhaps hoping to firm up his pro-life bona fides, Walsh declared on a Chicago television show that he was against abortion “without exception” and then added that science had made those exceptions unnecessary anyway. Then, beginning almost immediately after the program aired, Joe got re-acquainted with his old friend: The Wrath of the Internet. As expected, pro-choice groups like NARAL and Planned Parenthood excoriated Walsh for his comments but even more noteworthy, the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists said Walsh’s comments were an example of why politicians need to “get out of our exam rooms.”  Perhaps most embarrassing for Walsh, the National Right to Life Committee – the very people he may have been trying to curry favor with – issued a statement saying that it supports allowing “abortion if it is necessary to prevent the death of the mother.” By Friday of this week, Walsh was forced to walk back his comments, though the statement he issued contradicted itself in places and raised questions about whether Walsh even understands his own abortion position.
The Takeaway: Illinois voters, we are aware that there is (sadly) no House Committee on Being Awesome but send Tammy Duckworth to Congress anyway.

“She goes to Washington, D.C., it’s a little bit like one of those dogs, ‘fetch,’ She goes to Washington, D.C., and get all of these taxes and red tape and bureaucracy and executive orders and agencies and brings all of this stuff and dumps it on us in Missouri.” -Republican Senate Candidate Todd Akin, of Missouri

That Todd Akin ever got elected to anything sums up what is wrong with American politics. Democrat Claire McCaskill has opened up an 8 point lead over him according to Rasmussen. We’re hoping that this is one of the last times his name will appear anywhere on this site.
The Takeaway: Missouri voters, Claire McCaskill for Senate.

“Just because they call a piece of legislation an equal pay bill doesn’t make it so. In fact, much of this legislation is, in many respects, nothing but an effort to help trial lawyers collect their fees and file lawsuits, which may not contribute at all whatsoever to increasing pay equity in the workplace.” – Republican Senator Marco Rubio, of Florida

Marco Rubio is not running for re-election this year, so he’s got all the time in the world to take his show on the road manufacturing reasons for Mitt Romney to retroactively oppose the Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act. And Romney now needs some help on that score after bugling a question about it earlier in the campaign and then whipping out the now legendary “binders full of women” answer to a question about the Act earlier this week. Now that he’s finally decided that he opposed the Act, Team Romney dispatched Rubio to trot out that favorite Republican boogie man: greedy trial lawyers. Never mind that this is the same shoddy reason Scott Walker gave for repealing Wisconsin’s Fair Pay law.  Walker did so even though that state’s law allowed women to bring suits in the less costly circuit court system (thereby avoiding high legal costs) and even though statistics showed that the gender wage gap in Wisconsin had started to shrink shortly after the law took effect in 2009.Walker’s never been one to let facts get in the way of politics. Rubio seems to be cut from the same cloth. His comments that laws like Lilly Ledbetter do nothing but help trial lawyers are short-sighted, offensive, and devoid of fact. The real story here is that Rubio’s comments are nothing but an attempt to help the GOP’s standard bearer out of a (ahem) bind over equal pay. Perhaps Rubio would prefer Romney’s solution on equal pay: wasn’t it something about flexible hours so women could get home in time to cook dinner?
The Takeaway: Vote for the team that unconditionally supports VAWA, Equal Pay, and a whole bunch of women’s issues that Mitt Romney is still mulling over, Obama-Biden.

“Now it’s a war on women; tomorrow it’s going to be a war on left-handed Irishmen or something like that.” -Congressman Paul Ryan, Republican nominee for Vice President.

Yeah. And it was the other guy in the VP debate who was rude. Right.
The Takeaway: Are you kidding us with this? This is how Paul Ryan talks about women behind closed doors, people. Remember that.

“I went to a number of women’s groups and said, ‘Can you help us find folks,’ and they brought us whole binders full of women.” – Mitt Romney, Republican nominee for President

It’s a meme, it’s a Twitter account, it’s a Facebook page, by now it may even be a dessert topping. But the most important things to know about Romney’s “binders full of women” debate comment, are as follows:
1. It’s not true. The story has been debunked by several media outlets by now. It’s almost sad. If you haven’t seen any of the debunking stories, follow the link or simply Google “binders full of women.”
2. Even if it were true, the story itself implies that Romney managed to work in business for many, many years and get himself elected governor of a state without having his own list of qualified female candidates to work from. (A point well expanded upon by Dick Polman, a writer for NewsWorks.) What does that say about Romney?
3. It didn’t answer the question about fair pay. That’s probably the least surprising of all.
The Takeaway: There is nothing else to say. Obama/Biden.

See you next week, Voters.


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This Week In Why We Need to $%!^@*# Vote – October 15th Edition

Hello again, Voters! It’s your weekly round-up of stupid crap politicians have said and done trying to get elected, reminding you of the urgent need to vote for whomever is running against them. It’s been another busy week of debates, obfuscations, bizarre rape comments, fuzzy science and even fuzzier math. How do we keep it all straight? Well, as a wise gentlemen from Delaware once said, “fact matter” – so let’s get down to this week’s facts.

Wisconsin Rep. Roger Rivard (R-Rice Lake) is the latest GOP lawmaker in trouble over comments on rape.

“What the whole genesis of it was, it was advice to me, telling me, ‘If you’re going to go down that road, you may have consensual sex that night and then the next morning it may be rape.’ So the way he said it was, ‘Just remember, Roger, some girls, they rape so easy. It may be rape the next morning.'” – Wisconsin State Legislator Roger Rivard (R-Rice Lake)

Forcible rape, legitimate rape, now “some girls rape easy?” Even though they ran from Akin, (and now Paul Ryan has run from Rivard) the GOP in this country is setting a clear pattern of adding dubious qualifiers in front of the word rape these days. From this little-known Wisconsin legislator to Akin to VP nominee Paul Ryan, who enthusiastically supported the last year’s attempt to redefine rape. What exactly is the end game here? Fewer abortions that qualify for coverage? Or drastic cultural, legal, and political confusion on the entire concept of rape? Because it sure seems like we’re headed for both.

The Takeaway: Rice Lake, Wisconsin voters can choose Democrat Stephen J. Smith on Election Day. For the rest of us, this is more evidence that we need to pay close attention to the language lawmakers use when referring to rape. Those who choose to qualify the seriousness of this crime with their words and actions must be held accountable.

“I’ve taken a look at both sides of the thing and it seems to me that evolution takes a tremendous amount of faith…To have all of the sudden all the different things that have to be lined up to create something as sophisticated as life, it takes a lot of faith. I don’t see it as even a matter of science because I don’t know that you can prove one or the other.” -Republican Senate Candidate Todd Akin, of Missouri

If you’re thinking that we should just rename this feature “This Week in Todd Akin is $%!^@*# Crazy” – don’t think we haven’t considered it. So, this week the guy who came up with magical rape sperm-fighting vaginas is saying that there’s no science behind evolution. The easy response to this is to quip that “any thinking women who listens to the kind that crap Akin spouts would have cause to doubt his participation in evolution” and move on. But we can’t leave it at that because a) the race for Senate between Akin and Democrat Claire McCaskill is still mind-bloggingly tight (WTF, Missouri?) and b) have we mentioned that Akin sits on the House Committee on Science, Space and Technology? It’s long past time that we made the connection between the fact that our nation lags behind the rest of the developed world in science and the fact that we keep electing lawmakers who DON’T. BELIEVE. IN. SCIENCE.
The Takeaway: Missouri voters, Claire McCaskill for Senate. We’ve been over this.
Everyone else, your homework this week is to find out where all of your elected officials stand on science education. Report back on our Facebook page with what you find.

“There was no pregnancy and there was no abortion, I was attempting to use strong language to get her to tell me the truth.” -Republican Congressman Scott DesJarlais of Tennessee

We posted about the bizarre recorded conversation between Tennessee Congressman DesJarlais and his patient/mistress in which the avowed pro-life lawmaker pressures her have an abortion. Well, we’d love to know Todd Akin thinks DesJarlais explanation is just a “theory” too because it sure pushes the limits of credulity. The woman, who DesJarlais admits to sleeping with, is now not his mistress. He admits that it’s his voice on the recording telling the woman, “You told me you’d have an abortion, and now we’re getting too far along without one,” but now he says that the woman was never pregnant. She was never pregnant yet he agreed that he would accompany her Atlanta for the procedure and also berated her for the situation: “Well, I didn’t want to be in your life either, but you lied to me about something that caused us to be in this situation, and that’s not my fault, that’s yours.” (Gee, now what could that be referring to?) Perhaps Akin will use this debacle as fodder for his “women who aren’t pregnant get abortions” theory.
The Takeaway: Tennessee Voters, Democrat Eric Stewart is a good alternative to DesJarlais. For everyone else, in case this whole thing hasn’t freaked you out enough, Dr. DesJarlais’ current legislative committee assignments include the following:
Subcommittee on Health, Employment, Labor, and Pensions
Subcommittee on Health Care, District of Columbia, Census and the National Archives
Subcommittee on Regulatory Affairs, Stimulus Oversight and Government Spending

“[Y]ou go to the hospital, you get treated, you get care, and it’s paid for, either by charity, the government or by the hospital. We don’t have people that become ill, who die in their apartment because they don’t have insurance.” -Mitt Romney, Republican nominee for president.

We know that this is going to shock you but Romney’s flat wrong on this. (We hope you were sitting down for that.) Facts matter, and we found these facts from a 2009 study published in the American Journal of Public Health which states that a “[l]ack of health insurance is associated with as many as 44,789 deaths per year in the United States.” Several other studies echo these findings. What’s more, Romney knows he’s wrong on this. The 2006 version of Romney said the following:

“There ought to be enough money to help people get insurance because an insured individual has a better chance of having an excellent medical experience than the one who has not. An insured individual is more likely to go to a primary care physician or a clinic to get evaluated for their conditions and to get early treatment, to get pharmaceutical treatment, as opposed to showing up in the emergency room where the treatment is more expensive and less effective than if they got preventive and primary care.”

What’s the difference between Romney2006 and Romney2012? The newly programmed version has a nationwide conservative base to pander to, versus a statewide liberal-leaning population. He says what they want to hear. His principles, beliefs, and facts are infinitely malleable to fit his audience.
The Takeaway: Facts don’t matter to this Romney. And that’s dangerous. Remember what happened the last time we had a president who wasn’t fond of facts? We’re still cleaning that mess up. We have to let Obama/Biden finish the job.

“We don’t think that unelected judges should make this decision.” – Representative Paul Ryan, Republican nominee for Vice President.

Paul Ryan said this during the Vice Presidential debate in answer to this question from moderator Martha Raddatz: “Should those who believe that abortion should remain legal be worried?” If he were being honest and succinct he could have just answered. “Yes.” Because we all know the real answer to that question is really “Yes, you should be really $%!^@*# worried.” It would have been one of the few true things Ryan said in that debate.
The Takeaway: Mitt Romney may trying to dance to the center but he’s made it clear that Ryan and the far right will set the agenda on abortion. Obama/Biden is choice to make to keep having the right to choose.

See you next week, people.

P.S. If you have a quote you think should be included in a future snark-filled edition of “This Week” send it over to womenriseupnow@gmail.com with the subject line: This Week.


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This Week In Why We Need to $%!^@*# Vote – October 8th Edition

Hello again, Voters! It’s your weekly round-up of stupid crap politicians have said and done trying to get elected, reminding you of the urgent need to vote for whomever is running against them. It’s been a busy week, what with all the debating, lying, and Big-Bird saving going on. But don’t you worry, some of the the country’s most outrageous lawmakers still made time to say incomprehensible nonsense, and we’re calling them out on it. Once again, we have a lawmaker trying to hog the whole list but more on that later. Let’s start the list off with our second favorite indecisive Massachusetts Republican.

Let me see, here. That’s a great question, I think Justice Scalia is a very good judge.” -Republican Senator Scott Brown, of Massachusetts

Warren facepalms as Brown digs himself a Scalia-sized hole during their second debate. Photo credit: C-SPAN

If you are a Republican Senator from Massachusetts, who’s having trouble convincing voters that you’re really and truly pro-choice (pay no attention to that anti-choice PAC money behind the curtain), this is probably not the way you want to answer when David Gregory asks “Who’s your model Supreme Court Justice?” Not unless you want the debate audience to turn on you and your Democratic opponent to literally facepalm to avoid laughing out loud at your dumb ass. Which is exactly what happened.

You see, if you’re already having trouble proving your pro-choice bona fides, you don’t want to give that kind of public love to a Justice who has repeatedly called the Roe v. Wade ruling a “lousy opinion” that should be overturned. Brown’s further handling of the “model justice” question was not much better. He hastily spit out the names of a few more sitting justices – including Sotomayor and Roberts who are both no favorites of Brown’s party – before trailing off without fully answering the question. The Boston Globe has since stated that Brown’s statement has made Scalia’s stance on abortion a “flashpoint” in the race. Ooops.
The Takeaway: Massachusetts voters, vote Elizabeth Warren for Senate.

“You find that along with the culture of death go all kinds of other lawbreaking — the not following good sanitary procedures, giving abortions to women who are not actually pregnant, cheating on taxes, all these kinds of things, the misuse of anesthetic so that people die or almost die.” – Republican Senate Candidate Todd Akin, of Missouri

You didn’t really think we’d get through this week without Akin on this list, did you? Well, apparently neither did he. And before you say that this isn’t fair, he technically delivered this bit of idiocy in 2008, not this week, we say that you’re right, but he doubled-down on it this week, when video of the 2008 speech surfaced. Akin’s allies in the anti-choice movement were quick to lend their “support” to his claims, even though they themselves have histories of being called out for lying about abortion providers. If you’re sick of hearing about Akin, believe us, so are we. But the problem is, with the RNC back behind Akin and most of the PAC money restored, this is still a tight race. Until this race breaks open, we’ll have to tolerate Akin’s delusions for a while longer. But hopefully not beyond November 6.
The Takeaway: Missouri Voters, Claire McCaskill. Seriously, it’s not that hard.

“All that stuff I was taught about evolution and embryology and the Big Bang Theory, all that is lies straight from the pit of Hell. And it’s lies to try to keep me and all the folks who were taught that from understanding that they need a savior.” – Republican Representative Paul Broun, of Georgia

This quote would be bad enough if it didn’t come from a Representative who sits on the House Science Committee. But it did, and he actually does. He’s a medical doctor with a B.S. in Chemistry…who also happens to believe that the Earth is only about 9,000 years old. Does this matter? Pardon the pun but Hell, yes it matters! Check out this second quote taken from the same speech Broun gave at the Liberty Baptist Church Sportsman’s Banquet last month, about the bible:

“It teaches us how to run our lives individually, how to run our families, how to run our churches. But it teaches us how to run all of public policy and everything in society. And that’s the reason as your congressman I hold the holy Bible as being the major directions to me of how I vote in Washington, D.C., and I’ll continue to do that.”

And one more, for those of you who may thinking that Broun was simply catering to his church audience, take a look at this quote delivered in support of HR 1096: the Sanctity of Human Life Act, the latest attempt by Republicans in Congress to grant personhood to zygotes.

The greatest moral issue that this Nation faces today is the killing of 4,000 babies every single day through abortion. God cannot and will not continue to bless this land while this atrocious practice continues.

Separation of church and state, anyone? Bueller? Bueller? You got that part about the Science Committee right? We can’t stress that enough.
The Takeaway: This isn’t just about Broun – who is running unopposed, by the way – nice job, Georgia. This is about all the elected officials who flaunt their opposition to science and reason while making key decisions about education, technology, and yes, women’s rights that impact us all. Lawmakers like Broun aren’t just in Congress, they’re in state legislatures, on school boards, in city councils, everywhere. They’re there because people who value science don’t vote or don’t play close enough attention. They’re there because people who think like Broun worked harder to put them there. 2012 needs to be the year we work harder to get them out.


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This Week In Why We Need to $%!^@*# Vote – October 1st Edition

Welcome back, people. It’s your weekly round-up of stupid crap politicians have said and done trying to get elected, reminding you of the urgent need to vote for whomever is running against them. As you may already know, one particularly misogynistic lawmaker tried to run away with all five slots this week but we’re not going to to let him. He does, however, grab three of them.

This photo of Todd Akin and an awesomely placed sign are courtesy of bloggingwhileblue.com, a great blog run by some equally awesome Georgia Democrats.

“She had a confidence and was much more ladylike [in 2006], but in the debate on Friday she came out swinging, and I think that’s because she feels threatened.” -Republican U.S. Senate Candidate Todd Akin, from Missouri

But wait, he’s not done… Still discussing Democrat Claire McCaskill’s debate stance, he said:

“The first two minutes, wow, it’s like somebody let a wildcat out of the cage,”

All together now… “Ladylike?” “Wildcat?  *facepalm*
He really doesn’t see how sexist and condescending that is, does he? You’d think that after insulting rape victims all over the planet and becoming his party’s poster boy for the war on women (and that’s REALLY saying something in today’s GOP), someone would have given him a big book titled “Shit Not to Say So As Not to Look Like More of a Misogynistic Jerk” and told him to read it! Perhaps they did and he just fed it into his TelePromptr?
The icing on the Akin Turd-Cake this week came in the form of a video released by the McCaskill camp (Internet videos, the gift that just keeps on giving). In it, Akin is responding to a constituent question about equal pay and he says:

I believe in free enterprise. I don’t think the government should be telling people what you pay and what you don’t pay. I think it’s about freedom. If someone what’s to hire somebody and they agree on a salary, that’s fine, however it wants to work. So, the government sticking its nose into all kinds of things has gotten us into huge trouble.

The question was about the Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay act so it’s only natural that most news outlets reported that Akin’s response suggests he is not is favor of laws mandating equal pay for women. In reading Akin’s comments, however, my conclusion is that he believes “free enterprise” means that the government shouldn’t be able to set any guidelines for pay. At all.  How about that minimum wage and those laws that say you can’t pay people of different races and religions different salaries? Are those causing “huge trouble” too? And now that the RNC  and party leadership love him again, do they support all of his views?

The Takeaway: Missouri voters, are you kidding us with this? Vote Claire McCaskill for Senate.

“One of the principles is that we need to support people who have a history and know what it is like to sign the front of a paycheck, not the back of a paycheck. The front of a paycheck also includes you took a risk and you build a business on your own — without the federal government standing next to you as you’re signing a personal guarantee. It’s just you and your wife and your banker; you know that’s it.”-Republican Congressman Mike Fitzpatrick, from Pennsylvania’s 8th District

Another week, another video, this time it’s one of Pennsylvania Congressman Mike Fitzpatrick following Romney’s lead and writing off over half his constituency when meeting with the Kitchen Table Patriots, a Tea Party group. Indeed, it didn’t take long for analysts to dub the video Fitzpatrick’s “47% moment.” The head of Pennsylvania’s AFL-CIO said Fitzpatrick’s comments “imply that people who receive paychecks rather than own businesses are somehow less important to the American economy.” Nope, in working for and cashing those paychecks, we don’t contribute anything, serve anyone, or buy anything such as cars, homes, manufactured goods, college educations for our kids, etc. Nope, we’re just entitled slackers, signing the backs of checks and then doing absolutely nothing with them.
Also troubling to me is Fitzpatrick’s outdated word choice in describing the front-of-paycheck signers who took risks: “you, your wife and your banker.” Really? Is it 1950 where Fitzpatrick lives and no women – single or  married – are starting businesses on their own? Or are these women just not invited to his Kitchen Table Patriots meetings?
The Takeaway: Voters in the PA 8th, vote Kathy Boockvar for Congress.

“Certainly, this first term, I did not lead with wanting to compromise. Now the hope is, after this election … no matter how it shakes out, we now have to decide how to figure out how to build a house.” – Republican Congressman Joe Walsh, from Illinois’ 8th District

So…basically, you were an obstructionist Tea Party asshole in your first term, determined not to assist the President in anyway that might potentially improve the economy. But now that Tammy Duckworth is kicking your ass in the polls, you decide to tell the press than in your second term, you’ll “build a house.” Riiiight. How about this, Joe? We boot you off the government payroll forcing you to “get a job” as you so succinctly told Sandra Fluke to do and we replace you with someone who gives a damn about all Americans, not just those in the Tea Party?
The Takeway: Voters in the IL 8th, vote Tammy Duckworth for Congress.


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This Week In Why We Need to $%!^@*# Vote!

Your weekly round-up of stupid crap politicians have said and done trying to get elected, reminding you of the urgent need to vote for whomever is running against them.

“There are 47 percent of the people who will vote for the president no matter what. All right, there are 47 percent who are with him, who are dependent upon government, who believe that they are victims, who believe the government has a responsibility to care for them, who believe that they are entitled to health care, to food, to housing, to you-name-it. That that’s an entitlement. And the government should give it to them. And they will vote for this president no matter what…These are people who pay no income tax.” -Mitt Romney, Republican nominee for President

From the look on Mitt’s face, he’s finally done the arithmetic on his ’47 percent’ comments.

Topping the list this week is a no-brainer. It’s Williard “Mittens” Romney himself for the instant classic hidden video-recorded diatribe against half the friggin’ country. HALF the country. Who he wants to vote for him. As Bill Clinton would say, did he do the arithmetic on that one?

The video also contained such gems as “It would be helpful to be, uh, Latino” and his brilliant plan for “kicking the ball down the field” on the Isreali/Palestinian conflict. The really scary part? With Voter ID laws suppressing the vote in key states, this video still has a chance of some day ending up in the Willard Romney Presidential Library. That thought alone should be enough to get you out of bed bright and early on Election Day morning.
The Takeaway: Vote Barack Obama and Joe Biden

[The Affordable Care Act’s contraception mandate] will be gone on day one. I can guarantee you that.” -Rep. Paul Ryan, Republican nominee for Vice President

Mitt’s second chair wasn’t too fair behind in the Mind-numbingly Stupid Things Coming out of the Pie-hole Department, though in Rep. Paul Ryan’s case, there was no collective media WTF response to his words.  That’s mostly because the words he said are already front and center on the Romney/Ryan platform. All Ryan did was reveal just how high on their agenda repealing the contraception mandate is.  It’s ‘day one’ important to them, people. That’s right. Not foreign policy, not education, not even the economy. Revoking access to contraception for millions of American women trumps all of that. If this surprises you at all, we can only assume that you slept through the entire 112th Congress.
The Takeaway: Vote Barack Obama and Joe Biden

“We will never have the elite, smart people on our side, because they believe they should have the power to tell you what to do. So our colleges and universities, they’re not going to be on our side.“ -Former Senator and Republican Presidential Candidate Rick Santorum

Only at the Values Voters Summit can you say to your followers that, basically, they’re not all that smart and they’ll give you a standing ovation. Also, do we need to point out the irony of him lamenting that ‘smart people’ believe they should tell everyone what to do when his party’s platform says that half the population shouldn’t have control over their own bodies? No? Didn’t think so.
The Takeaway: This guy came in second – second! – to Mitt Romney for the Republican nomination. Think about that.

“[W]ho better than me, who’s already finished one of the entitlement programs, to come up with programs to do away with Medicaid and Medicare? Let’s block-grant what the state has, and allow the states to determine what’s going to go into Medicaid. And Medicare, let’s wait until everyone that right now is under 55 reaches 55 by age [sic] 2020, and give them a choice whether they want to purchase health insurance with a subsidy from the federal government, or stay on Medicare.” – Republican Senate Candidate Tommy Thompson of Wisconsin

In case you were wondering why Tommy Thompson is having trouble getting Wisconsin seniors to not back over him with their cars, let alone vote for him, this quote from a speech he gave last May should clear things right up. He wants to phase out Medicare and Medicaid; he said it. There’s video. Fellow Wisconsinite Paul Ryan agrees with him, though he has his own plan for it. So now when both guys go to senior centers and yammer on and on about how much they now want to “reform” and “strengthen” Medicare, the seniors don’t seem to be buying it. Those pesky Internet videos. They’re making it mighty hard to lie to voters these days.
The Takeaway: Wisconsin voters, vote Tammy Baldwin for Senate

“Party bosses dictating who is allowed to advance through the party and make all the decisions – it’s just like 1776 in that way. That was when colonists “rose up and said, ‘Not in my home, you don’t come and rape my daughters and my … wife. But that is where we are again.” -Lulli Akin, wife of Senate Candidate Todd Akin, of Missouri

Yes, Lulli Akin is not the candidate herself so what she says shouldn’t be subjected to the same scrutiny but come on… Why has everyone in the Akin campaign not been given strict orders to never make rape comparisons or use rape metaphors at all in front of the press? Ever! Is the GOP snubbing you? Are you losing the election? Yeah, that sucks. But it’s not rape. Rape is terrible, horrific, and way fucking worse than losing a damn election. Until you figure that out, just stop talking.
The Takeaway: Missouri voters, vote Claire McCaskill for Senate


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John Brunner For Senate… Again!

Part Two of Our Todd Akin Coverage
by My Alternate Universe Teabagger Twin

You know, I’ve had my differences with Sarah Palin in the past.  She thinks we should focus on getting the America-hating Muslim terrorists, I think we should focus on getting the terror-loving Muslim terrorists.  She feels we should be able to hunt wolves from helicopters, I think we should be using prop-planes.  There’s no doubt a gap to be bridged there.  But I’ve got to say, I think she has the right idea when she suggested that one of the Republicans who didn’t manage to defeat Todd Akin in the primaries should totally run as a third party candidate.  Once again, we have a gap here, in that she wants Sarah Steelman and I like John Brunner.  Crazy Sarah, I suspect you just like her because she has the same name as you.  What kind of reason is that to support a candidate for public office? And besides, I need a MAN to tell me what to do with my uterus, because he’s just GOT to know more about how it works than I would.

So let’s have a look at John Brunner, the guy we passed on the first time around.  It’s like the romantic comedy where the girl spends the whole movie chasing the hot football player when the absolute perfect guy for her, the dude that the Democrats have not been spending $2M of their own money to promote, has been right in front of her all along.

Come on, admit it. You would totally shell out to see this movie.

Let’s visit his policy positions and give ourselves a second chance at love:

Big government = grrr.  Check!

Small business = good.  Check!

Taxes = grrr.  Check!

Obamacare = grrr.  Check!

Fetuses = Hooray!  Check!

As a small business owner and former Marine, he possesses two out of the three qualities needed for sainthood in the Republican party.  All he would need to do is change his last name to Reagan.  Middle name would also be acceptable.

And of course, he hates, hates, hates earmarks, and really, who doesn’t?  Even a lot of you worthless, freedom-hating liberals agree with that.

And of course, the most important part is, that he is totally pro-fetus like Todd Akin, but comes without the baggage of actually saying the medieval crap he believes when he’s on TV!  I mean, we all know that you can’t pregnant from rape unless you’re a dirty slut who actually enjoyed it, but you’re not supposed to SAY that on TV!  We can’t afford to have morons like Akin risking the election by making the public aware of what we actually think.  If the twelve remaining “swing voters” in America know that we actually are waging a war on women (and sex, by the way), well.  Can you imagine?  It might actually dissuade a few of them from voting Republican and that could be enough to tip the election, good God!

People, we have a duty here.  We have to ask John Brunner to run as an independent.  Nay, we have to BEG John Brunner to run as an independent.  Those “ivory-tower elites” with their “edjumacation” in the party machinery claim that this would be a disaster because it would split the conservative vote.  But we know better, don’t we, kids?  We know that a true conservative who isn’t stupid enough to actually expose how far back we want to drag women’s rights could be just the person to beat Claire McCaskill and her Obama-loving, freedom-hating, communist-fascist-socialist agenda.  Missouri, and friends all over the country, let’s ask John Brunner to run.  Again. I know, you’re saying, “But he couldn’t beat Todd Akin the first time!” and I’m saying, “Yes, but we didn’t know how effing retarded Todd Akin was back then!”   Come on, people.   That sofa looked nice in the store, but once you get it in the house, it totally doesn’t work with the rug.  We need to return that sofa to the store and get one that doesn’t clash with our décor or expose our true agenda on TV.

Since I know my audience is real conservative, I’m going to clarify:  Todd Akin IS that sofa.  John Brunner is the new sofa.  Akin = sofa.  Sofa = bad.

Brunner for Senate!

http://www.facebook.com/BrunnerForLiberty

@brunnerforMO

Todd Akin – Artist’s conception


54 Comments

Todd Akin Has Figured Out My Secret

Just one of the many magical things my vagina can do.

Todd Akin has figured out my secret: my vagina is magical. I thought he was a stupid, bigoted oaf, but apparently, he’s stupid like a fox. He’s found me out. I’ve been keeping it under my hat, but before it all comes out in the press, you might as well hear it from me. Here’s a Top Ten list of some of the amazing things my magical vagina can do:

10. I can pull a rabbit out of it.

9. It can produce flowers on command.

8 It can open several secret doors in Hogwarts.

7. It can destroy the One Ring. Please don’t ask me how. You really don’t want to know.

6. It can magnify the career successes of Jeff Dunham and Larry the Cable Guy to unbelievable heights. I know, I’m still ashamed of that one myself, but I swear they’re nice guys. I just wanted to help them out.

5. It can cast a spell on all men within a 100 foot radius, causing them to become temporarily stupid. Not just mine. Every woman’s vagina can do this.

4. It can turn water into wine. But you might not want to drink it.

3. It can summon 100 peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. But you might not want to eat them.

2. It can turn people invisible. Again, please don’t ask me how.

1. IF I GET RAPED BY A MAN WHO IS NOT WEARING A CONDOM, IT CAN MAGICALLY MAKE SURE THAT I DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES GET PREGNANT.

Isn’t that amazing? Todd Akin busted me on that last one, and hats off to him, I say. Who would have thought that Republicans would be the ones to figure out our incredible secret: that nobody anywhere ever gets pregnant from a “legitimate rape”. Now I’m assuming a legitimate rape is one where the victim wasn’t, you know, “asking for it.”

But maybe he can clear up for the rest of us, where does a date rape involving roofies fall on the spectrum of Rape Legitimacy? If a guy I don’t really like buys me a drink but I don’t refuse it, and he drugs me, was it a Legitimate Rape, because I was incapable of consenting? Or was it not a Legitimate Rape because I didn’t fight him off? Does it depend on what I was wearing or whether I was leading him on? Can Mr. Akin clear up for me whether I would get pregnant under that circumstance or not? I’m not out in the dating game anymore, but I think I speak for a lot of our younger, single audience when I say, some of us girls really need to know.

And I really need him to set me straight on that case of the mentally disabled ten year old in Kansas who got pregnant after being raped by her uncle. She’s pregnant, so clearly it can’t be a Legitimate Rape, even though she is ten years old, mentally disabled and completely incapable of giving consent. Unless… did her mental disability prevent her sparkly, pregnancy-preventing vagina magic from working properly? That must be it! Maybe he’d be willing to make an exception in her case and grant her the Legitimate Rape ribbon or sticker or whatever it is he thinks we should hand out if you get raped and get pregnant as a result.

So, how hard does a girl have to fight for it to be a Legitimate Rape? Do we get pregnant if we only say no once? Do we have to scream for help? If he has a weapon and says he’s going to kill us if we scream, and we don’t, what does that mean? Will we get pregnant or not? Would our lack of pregnancy hold up as evidence of a Legitimate Rape in a court of law? Poor little confused girls, we don’t know when we’ve been raped or not, so whether we get pregnant or not seems to be as good an indicator as any. And clearly, the razor sharp mind who figured it all out needs to be the one to explain it to us.

So girls, I think we should all come clean. I think we should contact Mr. Akin, through his facebook page, his campaign emails and phone numbers, and fess up on what other magical things our vaginas can do. And while you’re at it, gentle readers, tell us too! What’s your special vagina magic? We want to know!

https://www.facebook.com/supportakin
#TeamAkin
https://www.akin.org/contact
(636) 207-7986