Ho Ho Ho, Here’s a Stocking Full of Man-Pain


bad-santa-charged-with-groping-18-year-old-woman-dressed-as-elfby Jen Giacalone

It’s hard to say why exactly, perhaps the holidays are making them feel resentful that loads of women are sexually unavailable to them, but the whining, the raging, and the general loutish behavior coming from the MRA camp are audible from the other side of Mount Entitlement this week.

Backing up: for those unfamiliar with the term, MRA’s are “Men’s Rights Activists.”  A sane person can look at the shifts in gender dynamics and put together that along with the expansion of what women are able to do and be, there are some things that are no longer fair to expect of men and that some things need to change.  For example, this page has previously mentioned its support for changes in divorce and family leave law to make it more accommodating to men’s changing roles in the family.

However, MRA pages are mainly dens seething with misogyny (or at least with anger at suffering under the iron fist of misandry), blaming women for all the ills of the world and claiming that men are truly the oppressed gender.  Go ahead, finish banging your head on the desk, I’ll wait.

Amanda Marcotte talks about this in a recent blog post for RH Reality Check.  The MRA community is outraged –outraged!-  at the arrest of Kevin Bollaert, who is facing 31 counts of conspiracy, identity theft, and extortion for running a “revenge porn” site.  It is stifling their free speech, apparently, to not be able to post nude photos of women who broke up with them, along with exes’ personal contact information so that they can be stalked and humiliated.

Goodness, where are my tiny violins?  I need to play the world’s saddest song for these oppressed men who are being told they can’t harass and intimidate women who no longer want to have sex with them.

Meanwhile, back at Occidental College, there’s apparently a rape epidemic, with hundreds of reports flooding into the university’s anonymous sexual assault reporting system.  Oh, wait, don’t worry, it’s actually just a douchebag epidemic.  Hundreds of MRA’s with nothing better to do decided to go and fill out hundreds upon hundreds of obscene (and obscenely false) reports on the college’s anonymous sexual assault online reporting form, in order to scuttle the system.  Why?  Because every woman who claims she’s raped is lying, and destroying resources for survivors is hilarious.

Oh wait, I’m sorry, I mean, because it’s their duty as men to protect the men of Occidental from false accusations of rape, in spite of the fact that the form is not designed to function that way.  How do you even investigate an anonymous rape report?

Really, people.  Even the Community of the Wrongly Accused thought this form was no big deal and that there was no particular reason to try and destroy it.  It’s mainly a tool for the university to figure out how widespread the sexual assault problem is on campus so they can properly allocate resources.  Their blog post about it is a more intellectual, long-form “whatevs.”

Ironically, a favorite tactic that MRA’s often use to try to get feminists to shut up about rape and sexual assault is to cry, “MEN ARE SEXUALLY ASSAULTED BY WOMEN IN EQUAL NUMBERS TO WOMEN ASSAULTED BY MEN!!!”  So, apparently, they don’t want male assault victims to get help either.

Watch out y’all.  The MRA’s have broken into the Schnapps and are marching on your town to claim it for the ManFederacy!



By the time I read the article about Fathers4Justice taking out an ad attempting to publicly shame Kate Winslet because she’s a single mother (“KIDS NEED A FATHER AT CHRISTMAS, KATE.”), I was ready to either smash something or try to raise money to have every last one of these guys checked for brain tumors.  They appear completely undeterred by the whole “not knowing her personally or having Clue One about how she conducts her family life” thing when it comes to telling her how to do it.  Because kids need fathers.  And women need to be told what to do.  By men.  Even when the men have no information on which to base their valuable opinions.

Which goes back to a point I’ve made before:  Most of these MRA’s are not, generally speaking, really that interested in the issues they claim to care about.  They’re just using these thing as cudgels to beat you, the feminist, over the head till you shut up.

Go visit a site for male rape survivors, or an “intactivist” (anti-circumcision) blog, or anyplace where there are people actually working on these causes.  You won’t find much misogyny.  In fact, you’ll probably find a lot of women.

So, ho ho ho, MRA’s.  You can complain and play “pranks” and take out all the nasty ads you want, but women are still going to be living wonderful, fulfilled lives that don’t include you.  So here’s a stocking full of man-pain.  Don’t scarf it all at once or you’ll get a tummy ache.

Author: womenriseupnow

An awareness and mobilization site designed to fight back against recent attacks against womens' rights.

17 thoughts on “Ho Ho Ho, Here’s a Stocking Full of Man-Pain

  1. The grand irony here being that you missed all the women who write and edit for A Voice for Men, and cite no actual examples of misogyny there, or anything else that backs up your generalizations. Perhaps if you actually read our site instead of cherry-picked out-of-context quotations and looking for some line somewhere that offends you, you’d learn something, including the real-world activism we actually do. But that might cause the pain of cognitive dissonance, so… you know, be cautious.

    It’s increasingly apparent that the operative definition of the word “misogyny” for feminists is “anyone who believes women are rational adult human beings and expects them to behave as such.”

    • My goodness, the managing editor of A Voice for Men, here on our humble little blog! First of all, welcome. We don’t often get visitors of your stature here, so as you can imagine, I feel as though we’ve arrived!

      Dean, I do provide a link to your site (I’m assuming that’s how you found us), to the page which defines your official platform, so that my readers can view it and decide for themselves whether I mischaracterized it. I do not go through and list individual examples of misogyny because the article is merely an overview of a subject, not an in-depth critique of you personally. If you’d like, I can write one of those, though.

      I did spend some time on your site deciding whether to use it as an example or go for a less respectable outlet like Return of Kings, or the Anti-Feminism Facebook group. In the process, I did actually watch that lovely woman’s video about male disposability and I thought it was very interesting and that she had some points to make that weren’t wrong. That’s the grand irony here; that I don’t disagree with everything you guys claim to want. I really don’t. I just think some of you have a funny way of going about pursuing those goals.

      Unless… If I’m hearing you correctly, I think you’re telling me that the antics listed in this article are not representative of your movement? If so, that really is a comfort because I’m sure then that it is possible for our two corners of the Internet to find common ground. I’ll be watching your page in the hope that you will be denouncing this sort of nonsense. It’s a drag when members of our own movement make the sensible among us look bad, isn’t it?

      Have a Happy Holiday!

      • Well gosh, I’m married, I have children, and I don’t meet any of the stereotypes you made in this article, and neither do the women and men I work with meet those stereotypes.

        Some of the things you criticize in this article are worth criticizing. Some, in my view, are bullshit. You know what equality between the sexes looks like? It looks like this: no one bends to your delicate ladylike sensibilities, and you don’t get to play Damsel In Distress when someone calls you on your bullshit with plaintive and unsupported wails about “misogyny.” In fact, I submit that every time you pull out the “misogyny” trope, that’s what you’re doing: playing Damsel In Distress. You are also being an intellectual bully and, like most bullies, you’re being a coward: you’re diverting from the facts and arguments and logic and just making a personal attack instead.

        The truth is, I am an ex-feminist. I despise feminist ideology and having studied it for decades, probably to a deeper level than you, I can tell you it’s very unlikely that my view will change until feminism changes. Yet, I love women, and further, I think women should be able to do what they want with their lives. Deal with that as a fact, and even if you’re still going to call yourself a feminist, deal with the fact that rational, thinking, decent, caring, compassionate, well-educated people of both sexes see it my way not yours, and calling them “misogynists” is an illogical slur that just makes you look dumb even if it makes you feel self-righteous.

        Your claim that we don’t actually care about the issues? What an aggressively ignorant, bigoted comment. Seriously: fuck you little girl, and fuck anyone who makes that claim. You have no idea what kind of work I’ve done helping rape victims, domestic violence victims, the homeless, people who are suicidal, and more. No idea, except that for you to claim that I or anybody I work with doesn’t really care about this and are just into “hating women,” the only reasonable response is FUCK YOU BIGOT, because “bigot” is exactly what you’re being. Aggressively ignorant, bigoted, and hateful.

        And no, I won’t apologize for correctly calling you an aggressively ignorant hateful bigot. You should realize that I just correctly characterized your bullshit as hateful bigoted ignorant bullshit, and retract it. Let’s see if you have the honor to do so. That’ll say something about your actual commitment to equality instead of just “feminism.”

        Here’s the real rising tide you’re going to have to deal with: there is a rising tide of men and women who see feminism as a movement of hatred, violence, lies, and censorship. And they aren’t “misogynists.” Consider it as a possiblity anyway.

        We just had a great conversation on this that may interest you. It challenges your ignorant bullshit that none of us actually cares about or does anything about them. It may also interest you to know what guys like us sound like when we really talk, and how we actually see your movement, and instead of blaming us for seeing it that way, consider the possibility that WE MIGHT JUST BE RIGHT.

        Good luck with the rising tide. You actually look like a rock with the tide rising around it and about to be drowned, because what you wrote here is mostly lies (with a few nuggets of truth in them, which just helps make the hateful lies look more legitimate). Otherwise I’ll leave you with some other reading you might like, in the hopes that you overcome your aggressively ignorant bigotry.


  2. This is brilliant, I loved reading it :-).

  3. Right, because lives without men are “wonderful” and “fulfilling.”

    Get your head checked. Feminists and feminism has caused the breakdown of the basic unit of society: the family.

    Gay rights are human rights. Black rights are human rights. and men’s rights are human rights. We’re here to stay.

    • Who said anything about women living without all men? All of the contributors on this page are married women with children. One of our star bloggers talks about the legitimacy of stay-at-home parenting as a feminist choice.

      I’m talking about women living happy lives without the kind of “men” who pull stunts like those described in this article. As I’ve stated IN THE ARTICLE, I’m sympathetic to some of the men’s movement’s stated goals, like increasing resources for male rape and DV survivors, re-examining divorce court’s presumptions about custody or alimony, doing away with infant circumcision, and so on. The problem is that much like the Tea Party (where people come for the tax issues and stay for the racism), there seems to be, not very well hidden under the movement’s legitimate issues, a current of hatred for women. So much so that they will shoot themselves in the foot to sabotage resources that would presumably help men too.

      So I’m unclear as to whether you feel that’s untrue, or whether you feel it is true and simply feel it’s justified. Either way, you haven’t really done much to disprove my point.

      • You say “You can complain and play “pranks” and take out all the nasty ads you want, but women are still going to be living wonderful, fulfilled lives that don’t include you.” I read that as women who want to “be living wonderful, fulfilled lives that don’t include you.”

        You also link to http://avoiceformen.com as a misogynistic website. We’re about gender equality.

        I take offense because you’re calling ME a misogynist. I work for AVFM and I have never met a more caring, genuine group of people who want nothing more than gender equality. Since when is gender equality considered misogynistic.

        If I were to use your logic, I would call your blog misandristic. But I have the decency to not do that because I believe in love and respect, especially at this time of year, even if I have a case of “man-pain” as you so eloquently opined.

  4. Also, my apologies for the lack of proper grammar and punctuation; I haven’t fully woken up yet.

  5. Please don’t call yourself that, even in jest. You seem to be a sweet person. I don’t think you’re a feminazi, especially since you espouse some core beliefs of the MHRM. 🙂

  6. ‘fuck you little girl’ eh…what???? Whatever Dean Esmay says is obviously filled with anger and hatred. A true misogynist. God love his wife and all of those ‘women’ whom he claims to love. I wouldn’t want his kind of love. Well done for rattling him and exposing his true colours! You sound so much more balanced and fair then he does. Good article! Have a happy holiday.

  7. OH My goodnesss gracious! First, I love this blog. I have posted it on big FB walls and will continue to do so. Second, the conversation between you and Dean from AVFM just proves we need to make sure misoygyny is a memory STAT!. Bravo Jen, for handling that Dean Person better than I could have. I would have probably been sarcastic or provided a link to How To Win Friends And Influence People. So, once again bravo! After reading some of AVFM’s comments, I now need workout and a bath. I feel so dirty.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s